dating & relationships
Posted by applebutter on 8/21/2010 at 10:23 PM
I originally posted this in the Leisure section, but after seeing this board I think it probably belongs here. Sorry to double post!
I'm a 21 year old, visually impaired woman, and I recently graduated from college. I have many good friends, but have never had a relationship of any kind.
Obviously I know dating is much more difficult for those of us with vision loss, but I can't help but feel disappointed that I haven't experienced any kind of romantic relationship by this point in my life. I have enough vision to know I'm just as attractive as most people (and more than many), I'm intelligent and fun to be around, and I try hard to make sure others are comfortable with my visual impairment because I know that can be off-putting.
So I'm left wondering what else I can do to make this happen? I know it comes down to meeting the right person in the right circumstances, but maybe I'm doing something wrong that's kept it from happening so far?
What do you think? What has your experience with dating and relationships been? Can you give me any advice?
There are currently 22 replies
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by hannibal8it on 8/21/2010 at 10:49 PM
. I can only offer a perspective as a blind male. spent a
lot of time struggling similarly when i was your age. I found most success when i just put myself out there and ignored the fact i couldn't see. The more success i had in a "sighted" world, the more willing other people were to ignore it, too.
It may be easier as a guy since women naturally are more likely to get to know people for who they are vs. conceptions of who they think you should be. i also think that geography may play a part. It's a hard reality to ignore, that certain areas of the country or world are reliant on stereotypes, and are difficult to convince otherwise.
Big cities, seem to have more opportunity for visually impaired people to participate in traditionally "sighted" activities. A guy found out i was going out to the pub with some of my buddies in college, he was new to our crowd. I walked into the office of our workstudy job just in time to hear him asking "why would a blind guy want to go to the bar?"
my answer was "why not?" i doubt you're doing anything wrong. be yourself, outgoing, and don't settle. it'll happen
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by ATigersStrength on 8/23/2010 at 8:35 AM
The one thing that I try to always keep in mind is that being myself is very important. Don't ever try changing who you are because that is not the answer. In my experience, being confident and self assured of myself has given me more luck as far as dating. I used to be very shy and insecure which made dating very challenging. You know that you have some awesome qualities and when the right person sees that, you will have found someone worth dating. 21 is a difficult age for many reasons so do not lose hope.
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by bhatiaboy on 9/9/2010 at 2:30 PM
If it makes you feel better I am 31 and have never had a relationship of any kind eather. Not that I have not had a opportunities, but I have never been sure how the sighted girl would handle my blindness and moverover, how would family except my blindness if the relationship became serious. The advise that I have been given over and over again is that the relationships that are worth having are those who will except you know matter what. If the girl in my case is to ashamed to date a person because he is blind, then she is not worth dating because if the relationship became serious and we got married she will not be there if and when I became sick. So just be yourself and you are doing it right by making people feel confertable with your blindness and you have proved alot by just getting a college degree.
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by Mattinlouisville on 10/5/2010 at 3:03 AM
I know how you feel. I'm low vision and it seems that no matter how hard I try I always get shot down without a chance. It can get irritating but just don't lose hope, we will find someone. Good luck to you.
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by hgriff87 on 10/20/2010 at 3:52 AM
It may be simply that you need to put yourself out there, make it known you're interested in a relationship. Sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone to find dates but don't go so far as going places you wouldn't go if you weren't looking for a date.
You may need to take the lead in flirting and letting someone you are interested in them directly. They might not pick up on subtle gestures. If need be ask someone out yourself, many men like aggressive women. If you are intelligent and fun, then landing a date shouldn't be a problem at all. Maybe even ask a friend if they have someone they could introduce you to.
The one thing to remember is dating can be complicated for anyone. If things don't go well at first you just have have to keep your chin up and keep trying until you find something that works.
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by PWDragon on 11/2/2010 at 2:34 AM
Dating can be difficult but I have no doubt you'll find the right guy! You sound like a nice girl. I'm 28 and I've have a number of relationships (some good, some... not so much). Right now, I'm enjoying being single. Relationships can be a wonderful thing but they can also be quite stressful. Above all else, I advise you to be VERY choosy and never settle for anything but the best. The right guy will come along when the time is right. I know this sounds cliche but I really do believe it to be true.
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by Berkeley on 11/4/2010 at 8:30 PM
Hi: I'm a 58-year-old totally blind professional wondering if anyone has tried internet dating sites and, if so, with what success? Most seem to require a picture. I am considering posting a picture that has been foto-shopped to make me look sighted, with eyes open and looking at the camera, something I am incapable of doing on my own. While I have tried internet and other forms of dating, I find that when men discover that I'm blind, they are no longer interested, despite the fact that I'm a fun, smart, successful professional doing well enough in the world. So I thought that appearing sighted in a picture might allow men to get to know me first, giving me a chance, before they meet me in person and discover that I'm also blind. Thoughts?
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by jasonite on 11/6/2010 at 11:48 PM
I'm a sighted guy, 35, living in Washington state. I'm not sure what to tell you, except dating is tough for most everyone. I certainly think you deserve a good guy, don't settle. I'm reasonably good-looking, and the first 10 girls I asked out all said no! I'm single right now, but I can tell you that I would have no problem dating a visually impaired girl, and I think there are a lot of guys like me out there. It sounds like a cliche, but just be yourself and love will find you.
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by gooch on 11/17/2010 at 2:08 PM
Hi, I am a gay male blind in one eye,seeking pen-pals and other blind males for friendship and gay sex. I just found this site and I am so please and hope-ing to meet others.
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by RuthGaunt on 11/18/2010 at 11:01 AM
Hi, I am new to this site - I have been dating a blind man for 6 weeks or so - I am 46 (divorced 4 grown up kids) he is 52 (single 3 grown up kids). I need advice. My man also has memory problems as a result of meningitus about 12 years ago - when he also lost his sight. He has PA help daily (all day) as all his memory has to be recorded on a computer which he can't use himself.
I want to improve our sex life (although it is good now) but I don't know what or how to suggest - right now it is 'safe' but I feel that we would both have more fun if we tried new things. I don't want him to think he is not good enough, I want to encourage him to explore. The problem is that his memory issues mean that anything we talk about needs to be spoken about quite a few times to sink in and stay - but I don't want to be nagging!
Please can any of you help?
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by puromichoacan on 11/22/2010 at 7:38 PM
In a way it is sad. Some disabled people feel that nobody wants them. Meanwhile, there are non-disabled people like myself who have a preference to disabled people. I have never met a blind girl in my life but would love to meet one!
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by Writing For Children on 5/20/2011 at 4:24 AM
I don't get this: I see over and over how sighted women do not want a blind man, and yet here I am, (and HAVE been) for a long while now and not ONE VI or Blind male has left a response for me.
I live in Dallas, and would LOVE to find a loving, calm and patient and giving, blind man, aged 30's to 53. I do prefer that they have God in their lives though.
I may even be more scared than you!
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by Erebus on 6/15/2011 at 10:57 AM
I am honestly trying to find a love that loves me. Been alone so long. Why is it so hard to find THAT love and know you are safe and it will last? When do I give up trying?
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by Handsomee on 6/17/2011 at 12:05 PM
I don't think that you are doing anything wrong, it is just that most people(specially men), do not appreciate beauty, I'm a 25 years old guy myself, sighted, and i look for the women who are young as myself, pretty and kind at heart. being romantic, good looking and hot in bed, is all that matters i think(along with personality of course), and being low sighted, blind, def or anything else, doesn't even matter.
by the way here is my my Email, in case you wanted to talk, ill be more than happy to get to know you:
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by searching in ca on 7/16/2011 at 4:36 PM
If I was partially sighted, I'd really use that to my advantage. I'm really envious of my partially sighted friends as they seem to connect with sighted men more easily then myself.
You're able to share visual experiences together and see each other.
hang in there, you'll find the right person.
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by abualk on 10/27/2011 at 5:00 AM
Re:dating & relationshipsPosted by jpaige05 on 1/4/2012 at 3:39 PM
Hello everyone, Jerry Paige here and i am interested in meeting people for friendship and possibly more. i am 46 years of age dakota/black mix have two daughters 23 and 14, my 14 year old ( she is Autistic )resides with me in Orlando Florida. I do not have any vision issues but i do have some health issues.I have Renal Failure ( kidney) and a auto immune disease called Polymyositis. My email address is firstname.lastname@example.org, have a bless day.
Re: dating & relationshipsPosted by myblindsite on 6/30/2012 at 1:33 AM
It has been almost two years since you posted. Just wanted to know if you have found the right friend you were looking for. If you still looking for someone please write to me. I have a wonderful visually impaired friend and I'm sure he will like to meet a young lady. He is 24. You can write me at email@example.com
Re: dating & relationshipsPosted by tompetty on 3/12/2013 at 8:41 PM
I am a 22 year old man looking for a companion to talk with and hang out and just have some fun.
Re: dating & relationshipsPosted by Sunnyy8 on 4/25/2013 at 11:38 AM
Hi i have slight night blindnes 24 nw write to me firstname.lastname@example.org
Re: dating & relationshipsPosted by Castle81 on 5/24/2014 at 9:35 PM
I am almost 33 years old, female and never had a romantic relationship myself. There were two instances where I came close, but never went beyond dating. Dating is tough and the fact that I have both vision and hearing loss doesn't make it any easier. When things don't work out, I take it very hard, too. This is why I am not actively looking but do keep an open mind and am pretty good at meeting new people. I finally mastered the art of making new friends so who knows, in time I will master the art of dating LOL!
Re: dating & relationshipsPosted by hakuba on 8/7/2014 at 10:40 PM
I'm 41 now and have had similar experience trying to find a relationship as most of the posters. I have pretty good functional vision so people I meet out and about have no idea that I'm blind. It's nice to have a conversation with a women who seems to be interested in me. But once I tell them about my vision problem the conversations seems to stop there. I've joined many of the popular dating sites to expand my chances of finding someone. Unfortunately, so far I have yet to get a date from using them. At times I do get frustrated and wonder why I'm putting myself out there for all to see. But as we all have come to know you don't give up on something just because it's difficult. So my suggestion is keep going, It may take time and a lot of pain but sometimes good things do happen to good people.
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