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Your
mother has driven a car safely for 40, maybe 50, years. She prides
herself on her driving skill and values the independence it affords
her. But as the birthdays pile on, your concern for her safety
behind the wheel grows. She hasn't had an accident … yet …
but you have reason to suspect that her eyes aren't what they used to
be.
When is the right time to have that conversation about when Mom should
stop driving?
According to The Hartford, the
best answer is now, before her driving skills begin to noticeably
decline—when safety becomes a life-or-death issue and emotions
are running high. So, yes, the sooner you have that talk, the
better, but don't broach the subject unprepared.
Some
questions you need to think about first:
- Who
should do the talking?
A Hartford/MIT survey found that 50% of married drivers prefer to hear
about driving concerns from their spouses. Doctors are a close
second, followed by adult children. Most older drivers living alone
prefer to hear first from their doctors, followed by adult children,
close friends or other supportive helpers.
Preference for adult children breaking
the ice increases when drivers are over 70.
- What should I know before initiating the conversation?
Know the warning signs of potential driving problems. Is your relative
easily distracted while driving? Has parking become erratic? Is the
driver less confident or does he fail to notice traffic activity to
the right or left? Are there signs of scraping on the car, fence, or
mailbox? These are just a few of the signs. Try to observe the
driver over time to see if troublesome patterns emerge.
- Should I consult my relative's doctor beforehand?
It's advisable to consult a physician to determine what information you
need to provide, given the person's specific vision issues.
- What about conversation starters? Are there especially appropriate times
to break the ice?
While it's best not to wait for a serious accident, obviously, 50 percent
of older drivers surveyed reported being more open to a discussion
about driving safety after a bad accident. Minor scrapes and near
misses are also opportunities to broach the subject. You could also
express concern over a new medicine your parent may be taking and how
that might affect driving. You may have even noticed that the driver
has taken steps on his or her own – cutting out night driving,
for instance. Use this: "Dad, I'm glad you've decided to cut
back on night driving …."
- What do I do if the person reacts badly?
It's very possible that your older relative agrees with your assessment
that driving is no longer safe and will have to stop. That won't
necessarily make the idea easier to hear or deal with. Nearly a
quarter of older adults report feeling depressed by this
conversation; 10% said they felt anger. Remember, though, that the
cause for these feelings is the message, not the messenger. The
important thing is remain calm and respectful, and be prepared to
have several conversations before achieving your goal.
Whatever strategy you ultimately choose, don't let fear or guilt prevent you
from following through.
For
More Information:
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My family is my biggest support.
