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AFBAmerican Foundation®
for the Blind

Expanding possibilities for people with vision loss

Relationships with a blind person

Hello, and please forgive my ignorance, but am having a little trouble navigating this site or finding others which might give insight into how one can be a better partner to someone who is sightless.

I have been seeing the most wonderful woman for a few months now. Things are going very well. Beyond my expectations, in fact.

Still, I find myself sometimes wondering how I can learn to communicate better, do more meaningful things, and yackety yackety yack. For those of you who have walked this path you probably understand what I am talking about. We have so much in common and do so well together. Still, we sometimes are on oppostie sides of the planet, both wondering what to do about it.

So, if any of you sighted or non-sighted here wish to share a little about your relationships with the other, I'd love to hear more.


Thanks,

Bill
searchinferu@yahoo.com

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Re:Relationships with a blind person



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Re:Relationships with a blind person



jemma, slow down, you're judging him to much, look at the evidence psychologically. he might be going through some ptsd and symptoms of a traumatic event. Therapy might be what he needs. consider that before you judge him as do most of people in that category of needy and rude. It is not that he wants to be it is what he has gone through that makes him that and it can be undone with patience and time along with help. And, you have to allow him to be independent to make decisions for himself and to persuade him if he's not for it. That's the only good way to move forward.

here's some advice for the rest of you, if you want to learn to get along with blind people do this.

treat them like everyone else, like a capable, smart, able, and inteligent human being. respect, listen, conversate, and let go of the puppet strings. Blind people can not see but they are smart and can make decisions for themselves and do not need your help unless they ask as a friend. Just be friends and don't be there mother. Also, we can hear, it's insulting to talk over us to others about us, you know we're not deaf and can here every word of that. Also, using softer sweeter voices is insulting. we're not all about three, so don't! I know I get along best with sited folks when we are friends and they don't try to run my life or take care of me. Also, I tend to get along with people who tend to listen to me better and respect what I have to say, most people blow me off half the time and it's really a shame, because they don't think I have anything to share because I am blind. It's not true. we're humans too and no! we're not needy! As long as the blind person has social skills and most call me very spirited, outgoing, and engaging, though I am a total geek and introvert. As I said I don't appreciate when someone attempts to control me or not listen or talk in soft sweet voices. I don't relate well, because I like things most my age don't, so I get along with older folks and people who likes to think or can tolerate me. I am a philosophy nutter and a psychology lover. so, I tend to be geeky. and, I tend to be rash and reckless at times like taking risks and stuff, but that's just like most others. I and most blind people are just that people, no different then you, your next door neighbor or that guy jim across the street. So, just be friends and individuals in the world and just act normal with a blind person.

on the other hand the blinks on here have to work on it too. it's both sides of the coin. you need to have good social skills and interact well with people.


Re:Relationships with a blind person



Hi there,

About 5 months ago my partner of four years was blinded after receiving severe chemical burns to his eyes from an accident at work. This obviously has had a dramatic impact on our lives. Going from an independent 35 year old mans man, who loves the great outdoors and exploring this worlds beauties, then has had his world pulled out from underneath him. Majority of his days are spent listening to audio books and walking the dogs. I rack my brain trying to think of things to entertain him but he seems to have lost all of his get up and go. it makes me incredibly sad to see him this way. The doctors say it's the worst case of chemical burn they have ever seen. The specialists have been fantastic and are doing everything they can. After spending two weeks in hospital and having eye drops administered every half he pleaded to come home. So i stopped working as a full time landscaper to become a full time caregiver for him. Initially for the first two weeks i was playing nurse and administering drops every half hour. Each week we would return to the hospital and they would adjust his eye drops according to his healing. He had two emergency operations, because the pressure in his eyes were through the roof. This was very touch and go and took a good month to stablilize. Normal pressure ranges from about 10 to 14, his got up to 51. So it was a scary time, but he pulled through and he's still got his eyes. He has very limited vision. He can see most colours but everything is a big blur, and his depth deception is all out. Some days are better than others. We are thankful and positive about what vision he has got as the doctors said it's a miracle he has still got his eye's. We are now at a stand still were the doctors aren't keen to perform anymore surgery, well not for at least another year or so when his eyes are not so vulnerable. This dis-heartens him. But i trust the doc's decision, is what's best for him. So now for us, its just a waiting game. We have gone from a double income household with a mortgage to a no income household. He receives a unreliable weekly amount from ACC of $342.00 per week that doesn't even cover our mortgage. I am not entitled to anything for looking after him because i am his partner. It's messed up. I just thank god for good friends and family. So as you can imagine this has put huge financial strain on our relationship on top of evrything else. Since the accident first happened in April he has gone from 68 drops over a 24 hour cycle (where I would have to wake up for hourly to give him) to 8 drops and an ointment daily. Which has freed some time up for me to work. He is fine with administering the drops himself but the ointment can be tricky for him. So he needs someone to administer them 4 hourly just to keep his eye's from drying out. He will go to bed at about 7pm every night, then this leaves me sitting by myself alone and bored. I am only 27 years old and i have two wonderful kids with an ex partner and we have a week on week off arrangement. So my time can get caught up sometimes. He doesn't seem to want me to maintain any sort of social life away from home. As he gives me a hard time when I arrive home from being out with a friend. I'm guessing it's because he is missing out. I can't begin to imagine what he must be going through as it's gotta be unbelievably hard for him but it's like I have to suffer with him. It's taking it's toll on me severely, and I'm at the end of my teather. But I can't leave him like this even though this is not what i want for mine or my kids life, or for his for that matter. But it is this way and I continue to persevere with it but I don't know how much more I can take. - Please before you judge me, know that before his accident our home life wasn't at it's best. I was planning on ending it. The accident made me realise how much I loved him and so I've stuck in there with him. But now he's just asking for more than I'm able to give. But I don't want to be that woman that"s just left her man in his time of need. My conscience can't handle it. Wether it's a case of being judge by our friends if I do decide on leaving him, then I hope they are fair enough to base it on the whole relationship before and after the accident. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place... I didn't ever think this is what my life would be like, as no one does before tragidy strikes. But I don't know what to do anymore... Oh it feels good to vent.
Thanks
Jemma


Re:Relationships with a blind person



I'm sure my wife can relate to you. There is plenty that you can do, the problem is that you likely take vision for granted. You might do well to put a blindfold on yourself, and after sitting there for an hour think about what you want to do, with the blindfold on. The reality is that there are plenty of things that you can do, movies, musicals, kayaking (yes), pottery, fine dining, the symphony, walking the beach (listening to the waves crashing upon the shore), going to a rose garden, etc. Just treat her with respect. Remember that because of your special gift, the gift of sight, you have the opportunity to take her places and allow her to do things that she might not normally get to do (example. kayaking),


Re:Relationships with a blind person



Hello All, I recently met a new friend that is blind. I have brought her into my world. I play in poker tournament..free to play..you play for points. I have site. But - I brought my friend and asked if we could use braile cards. They allowed us to use them..now we both play on a weekly basis. She loves it.
I also took her fishing on our boat - she loved that too.
I can't imagine being blind. I just want to open her world up!!!!


Re:Relationships with a blind person



I am 90% blind and often wondered what it would be like to date someone who was fully blind from birth, thinking they may be better able to show me how to cope with my site loss from their perspective but I dont know where to go online to meet the partner of my dreams.

Donald
http://www.blindnessservices.com/
http://www.praycircle.com/


Re:Relationships with a blind person



I am 90% blind and often wondered what it would be like to date someone who was fully blind from birth, thinking they may be better able to show me how to cope with my site loss from their perspective but I dont know where to go online to meet the partner of my dreams.

Donald
http://www.blindnessservices.com/
http://www.praycircle.com/


Re:Relationships with a blind person



Hey Bill, Do you let her know how you feel? We as men sometimes forget to do that, and women need to be reasured, how often is part of knowing your lady.
Alfred


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