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for the Blind

Expanding possibilities for people with vision loss

So there's this boy...

Okay, I apologize in advance, as I am fairly sure there have been plenty of other similar threads.

I'm a college student, and I just switched into a new class a few days ago. I walked into the room and this one boy completely caught my attention--he's brilliant, sweet, and quite attractive. He also happens to be blind--enter here a lot of worrying on my part.

I'm going to be honest- we've only ever talked once, and it was just for a couple of minutes. Now I'm desperate to talk to him again, but worried because

a) He's sensitive to people (especially girls) talking to him "out of pity," which I'm obviously not and
b) I've recently realized that there are a lot of people out there specifically attracted to blind individuals BECAUSE they're blind, and the person has some kind of "protector" complex (again, I don't--he's obviously getting by just fine without my help).

I'm shy enough under "normal" circumstances when it comes to talking to boys I don't know very well--add in those factors and I'm downright TERRIFIED. How do I talk to him and make it clear that I just like him because, well, I like him?

Also: I've noticed in the hallways when we leave class that occasionally he ends up running into people (they're really crowded). He always looks really frustrated, which I feel awful about, but I also don't want to sound patronizing by offering help. So...do I offer up an arm, or let him be?

And will he remember my voice if we've only spoken once or twice, or should I still identify myself at the start of a conversation?

Ahhh. I apologize if any of these questions come off as ignorant. I promise my intentions are good...I just don't want to mess up, I guess.

Thank you for any help, I really appreciate it :)

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Re:So there's this boy...



Hello, Trexx89, :)

You are very welcome, and here is my email address if you
wish to contact me about any further questions you may have.

glitch.matrix.cmd@gmail.com

Talk soon,
Master Glitch


Re:So there's this boy...



Wow, thank you all for the responses! Glitch, I can't wait to put some of what you suggested into practice. I'm especially excited to ask about goalball...I googled it and it actually sounds really fun, haha.

Drop me a line if you want...rebeldes@y7mail.com. You seem like a good person to have around :)


Re:So there's this boy...



Hello, Trexx89,

There is no need to apologise because your concerns are valid; it shows that you are aware and willing to ask for advice. Also, many people, sighted or blind, go through similar concerns when it comes to flirting, dating, and beyond.

Introduction...

"And will he remember my voice if we've only spoken once or twice, or should I still identify myself at the start of a conversation?"

Yes, before he becomes familiar with your voice and presence, do introduce yourself by name at the beginning of a conversation. It does not have to be a big announcement , just deliver it casually and move on with whatever it is you wish to talk about.

For example, "Hey, Steve, it's Trexx89, how was your weekend?"

Obviously, substituting the names for real names of course.

Conversation...

Most guys and girls are sometimes at a lost about what to converse about when in the midst of a love interest. My advice is to be your best self, and converse as if you are talking with a good friend.

With any first conversations, keep the vibe light and fun. Flirt, show your wit, ask questions, share interesting things about yourself, be sexy, but most importantly, listen and be genuinely interested.

When it comes to talking to people who happen to be blind, there are no topics outside the usual ones that you should avoid talking about with anyone you just met. The ones to avoid are usually politics and religion as they tend to put a damper on any lighthearted conversations.

All in all, have a fun flirty, light conversation that would be no different than if you were to talk with someone sighted. Don't be surprised to discover that it might be easier to talk to him than you think.

Exchanging numbers...

After some fluff talk, it is time to exchange numbers.

You had mentioned that, amongst other attributes, he is also brilliant.

You should take advantage of this and, even if you need it or not, ask him that you would like him to be your study partner. Then if he agrees, exchange numbers, and magically, you can text or call him until your heart's content. Yea! Lucky you! :)

Having a conversation with someone who is blind is perhaps no different than having a conversation with someone who is sighted. However, in order to help you out, here are a few ideas.

You can ask him what movies he likes to watch, what genre of literature he likes to read, and ask him what he likes to do for fun.

If you share similar movie interests, later watch a movie together, and likewise with literature. Ask him what his favorite audiobook is and ask him if you could borrow it. Afterwards, you can have a heartfelt conversation about either one.

If he tells you that he enjoys fishing or hiking, ask if you could join him on his next adventure.

If you ask him about Goalball, he might be a little impressed that you have heard of it. You can tell him that you only know that it is a contact sport that can be played while blindfolded. If he is familiar with Goalball, ask him to tell you a little more about it, and if it is something that sounds interesting to you, you can try it out.

Also, do not hesitate to share interesting things about yourself. Tell him things that you like, invite him to join in those things, and if he is interested, he might ask for more.

With that said, here are a few additional important advice specific to your concerns.

"He's sensitive to people (especially girls) talking to him "out of pity," which I'm obviously not."

If you are genuine in your interest and attraction for him, that vibe will communicate itself, so there is no need to worry needlessly about having him misunderstand your intention and take it for pity.

"I've recently realized that there are a lot of people out there specifically attracted to blind individuals BECAUSE they're blind, and the person has some kind of "protector" complex (again, I don't--he's obviously getting by just fine without my help)."

As above, if your intentions are genuine, you do not need to worry yourself with how you might come across; your intensions will convey themselves naturally enough. And if he is as brilliant as you say he is, he will pick that up without a doubt.

"How do I talk to him and make it clear that I just like him because, well, I like him?"

To keep it simple, you do not tell him.

If you are a fan of romance novels, you might notice that there are a few key aspects which make a good story great. A couple of those aspects are suspense and tension. It is important to let that build.

If you go ahead and tell him right off that you like him, it will defuse away the mystery and intrigue. Worst case scenario, he might think that you are weird and out to get something from him. This would be going against the objective, which is giving the both of you a chance to know each other.

However, it is up to you to tell him that you like him after you two have gotten to know each other, build a little history beforehand as it were. But the best advice is to not tell him directly, but instead, find creative ways.

Some creative ways to lead on that you like him can be through flirting, doing exciting things together, talking about provocative topics, and feeling good and smiling when you talk to him. As a side note, most people might not know this, but people who are blind can tell if you are smiling or not while talking, but they can. I suppose it is in the way the sound comes out, the happiness underneath.

"Also: I've noticed in the hallways when we leave class that occasionally he ends up running into people (they're really crowded). He always looks really frustrated, which I feel awful about, but I also don't want to sound patronizing by offering help. So...do I offer up an arm, or let him be?"

If you are not going the same way, then let him handle his scandle. However, if you are going the same way, then it is only polite to offer an arm. If he accepts or not, it is up to him. As additional information, it is not uncommon for two people who happen to be blind to link up arms while traveling and talking in a crowded place. This is to keep track of each other and prevent the flow of conversation to be interupted. Perhaps this will help you make your decisions when you are both out as well.

If he does accept your arm, you can even joke about making him pay for your services. :) Do note that there are those who are not okay with their blindness, and there are others who are okay with it. It is with the latter that you can joke about it in a friendly way, which shows that you are okay with their blindness as well.

Well now, that should be enough to get you off on the right footing, and allow you to act with confidence and poise. Later, when you two get to know each other and specifics arise that you need advice on, you can always post a message on the boards.

Go get 'em, girl!


Talk soon,
Master Glitch





Re:So there's this boy...



It's always nice to introduce yourself and offer help if he needs it. But other than that, just be yourself and treat him like everyone else. If he needs help, he can ask.


Re:So there's this boy...



Ok i can understand all of your concerns. In my opinion you should talk to him in class (identifing yourself at first until you have talked for a while.) and then treat him like you would treat any other boy. Dont make him think that you are uncomfortable with his blindness because this will only make it awkward for both of you.

And maybe during the conversation you could ease in the topic of helping him, Just say you noticed him getting a little flustered and see if he wants help.

I wish you the best. Good Luck!


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