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How to deal with passive aggressive bullies (PAB's)

Hey Pain4Gainers,

Wanted to take the time and talk about an important subject that we all can relate too. How to deal with Passive Aggressive Bullies (PAB) in your workplace or in your personal lives.

There are some people in this world, that we will come across and not have the most pleasant experience with. Passive Aggressive Bullies (PAB) will be by far (in my experience) the most frustrating individuals to deal with.

People who are passive aggressive unfortunately, have very poor communication skills. You are probably thinking, what is a Passive Aggressive Bully (PAB)? This is a person who does not express how they feel when they are upset or disappointed in a person or situation. As a result, they use other means in showing their emotions or communications. For example, saying negative comments towards you, no eye contact when speaking to you, leaving you notes or sending you emails to avoid confrontation, and even short and rude verbal abuse from them. Why do they do this, I don’t know why?! I can only come up with a few ideas.

They are insecure in themselves

They do not feel confident around people who intimidate them

They just do not know how to express what’s on their mind

Whichever the case may be, at the end of the day, it is frustrating as hell to deal with PAB’s.

It is frustrating because you do not get any feedback from PAB’s that you are doing a good or bad job. The only feedback (if that is what you want to call it) is them being negative towards you and making you life miserable. What sucks about this, the victim (you or someone you know) feels stuck, helpless, mentally and emotionally exhausted due to dealing with a PAB.

So, how do we deal with PAB’s? How do we avoid the mental and emotional stress that they put on our lives? Simple, you call them out on it and see what happens!

Will it be easy? NO!

Will it be uncomfortable? YES!

Will it be worth it? Absolutely!!

Passive aggressive people do not like to be called out. So, I will give you one simple solution: Call them out on their bluff.

Here is a clip of Mike Tyson calling out a host where the host took a cheap shot to IRON MIKE.

The point to this video is, what are people going to do when you call them out on their passive aggressiveness? 99% of the time, nothing!!

PAB’s do not like to be confronted! This is why they are passive aggressive in the first place. The only time the PAB’S talk about an issue, is when the other person brings it up. Only then, they are forced to talk about it. Most likely, they will pretend that nothing is wrong and chances are, they will be on their best behavior in front of you.

So, how do we communicate to PAB that are making our lives a living nightmare? Easy, you talk to them like an adult. The next time you see them, ask if you can have a moment of their time. Make sure you take the time to say EVERYTHING that you need to say and get it off your chest. If not, you will have regrets for not expressing how you truly feel. Here are some examples that I have used in the past with some of my formal PAB’s..

I noticed that you and I are having some friction, is their something that I did or I am doing right now, that is bothering you?
Hey (NAME), I noticed that you have been addressing me in a aggressive tone lately; and even a little disrespectful at times. Is their something I did or I am doing right now that is bothering you?
Lately, I have noticed that you have been talking to me in this manner and honestly, I take it offensive. Is their something you would like to discuss with me.

If you notice, no matter how you put it, you have to be DIRECT and UPFRONT with people you are having problems with. PAB’s are not used to face to face confrontation and chances are, in this scenario, you have the emotional edge for bringing up the issue. You will be the Alpha in the room and in control.

I hope this helps and do not let Passive Aggressive Bullies take control of your emotions. We can stop the abuse by being honest and upfront with them.

Take care.


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