Transcription
"Seek the Cause"
by Helen Keller
How often have we heard it said, "That child can't keep still for two minutes together!" Of course a child can't keep still, it isn't natural. But he doesn't have to be a little "fidget." It is easy enough to stop aimless flitting to and fro. Restlessness is aimless movement, and a healthy child will not move aimlessly unless he is thwarted in some way.
Constant activity is essential to the child's physical development. Of course there are times when it is necessary that he should keep quiet. You have tidied up the house for visitors for instance, and you can't have the little one go tearing through the rooms, scattering his toys on the furniture. Try to remember something he has been especially interested in the past day or two. Perhaps only this morning you saw him fitting a key in the door and turning the lock. Give him the key to your wardrobe or dressing-table and ask him what it is for. In all probability he will immediately take it and begin fitting the key and undoing the catch. You will be surprised to find how long he keeps himself occupied.
There is no fidgeting about the child who is absorbed in some interesting activity. There is no unnecessary fussing, no explosion of temper. Time and again you have noticed how he frets and is troublesome when you try to do things for him. You are in a hurry; so you don't allow him to struggle with the intricacies of buttons and socks and shoes. You put them on, curbing as best you can his impatient jerks and twistings. His aimless resistance is a sign that he is being thwarted.
No indeed, I do not think a child should always have his way. That is not my meaning when I say that it is wrong to thwart the natural instincts of the child.
There are two ways to teach him obedience. One is the old way of compulsion and punishment if he disobeys. The other way is to ask from the child what he can do, that is, to ask obedience in such a way that your child will be glad to obey, and he will form the habit of obedience easily because he learns it naturally. It is just as easy in the beginning to form right habits as wrong ones.
Try to imagine the torture of a small child who is made to sit still at a table while grown-ups talk, or in school while the teacher draws on the blackboard! No wonder he shuffles and wriggles from head to foot.
No child can learn sitting still. He only learns to dislike his teacher and what she tries to teach him. When the restraint is no longer endurable, the child is given exercises which are as unnatural as sitting still. The exercises should be spontaneous, joyous, not simply movements at the word of command. Everything that does not teach self-discipline and self-activity should be avoided in the training of the child.
When the child first goes to school, he should be given things he can do. He can help to look after the school-room -- put the desks and chairs in place. There are many little personal things he can do for himself -- hang up his coat and cap, wash his hands, brush his hair, tidy his desk. When we do these things for the child, we discourage initiative and prevent him from acquiring the habit of orderliness. It will be found that he takes the greatest interest in performing all the movements of daily life.
I have seen a little girl amuse herself for hours with two pieces of cloth, on one of which she sewed buttons, and on the other she made buttonholes.
When the child acts only in a disorderly, disconnected manner, his nervous force is under a great strain, while on the other hand his nervous energy is positively increased and multiplied by intelligent activity.
It is a pitiful mistake for a parent or teacher to try to force a child into a rigid pattern of behavior. The child becomes negative, or rebellious, refusing to obey the simplest and most necessary commands. It seems to me, "grown-ups" often disguise irritability and impatience under the cloak of discipline.
On the other hand, it is equally bad to try to get the child to obey by threatening him with the loss of love or appealing to his affection. "Mother won't love you if you act like that," is an expression that should never be used to a child. "Your naughtiness breaks mother's heart" and similar phrases put a terrible strain upon the child's emotions and eventually produce very unhappy results.
Those who have to do with young children should develop the habit of seeking the cause of naughtiness and temper. They should treat the cause, not the symptoms. For restlessness and bad temper are manifestations of an emotional upset. Perhaps the child wants more attention or more love, or quieter surroundings and more sleep.
One thing is sure, real discipline is the kind that is developed from within. It is the only lasting kind, and the only discipline that builds character.
